Monday, August 19, 2013

Empty Nest

This Friday, we move our youngest child into her dorm as she begins college - the definition of empty nest syndrome, right?  Can it still be empty nest syndrome when we're picking up the nest and moving it 7,073 miles?

We dropped Miranda off at Cornell last Friday for a 6-day pre-orientation program called Outdoor Odyssey. Right now, she's hiking, kayaking, rock climbing, and testing herself on a high ropes course. I hope she's having a blast. But this is just the preliminary, leading up to the big league drop-off this Friday.  We'll meet her back on campus with the mini-van loaded with as much of her stuff as will fit, and move her into her dorm room. Although her sisters are going to sleep-over the first night, her father and I will drive back to our cottage and leave her there.  We'll go back the next day with the rest of her stuff, do some parent stuff on campus, and then take her shopping to fill up the kitchen and get any last-minute necessities before we take her sisters and leave her on her own.

Then we'll drive back to our home in the Chicago suburbs, tie up some loose ends, and fly to Shanghai to live for the next three years. Whew!  While I have a plane ticket back to Chicago on December 2, our home there is for sale, so I hope that we'll be spending our winter break moving to a new home in my hometown of Watkins Glen, NY. We're changing everything this year:  we're selling our home after 16 years, Chris & I are renting an apartment in Shanghai, Miranda starts college, Samantha is spending the fall semester abroad, and our oldest, Elizabeth, is moving into a new apartment in NYC as well. It's a busy year in our household. 

Because my husband has been working in Asia 75% of the time for the past two years, while Miranda finished high school, she and I have been alone together a lot of the time.  For me, at least, this has been great. I have had a chance to spend some quality time, one-on-one, with my youngest daughter as a nearly-grown-up in a way that I never had the chance to do with her sisters. We have grown closer and had fun together, although the single parenting of a teenager can be challenging, no doubt. Fortunately, we have good kids and Miranda is no exception. She is smart, responsible, and thoughtful, although she is also messy, disorganized, and sometimes lazy - all within the limits of a normal teenager.  :)

I know my mother and I got closer during my four years of high school, when I was the only child left at home, so I'm sure it would have happened to Miranda and me, even if my husband wasn't traveling so much. But the fact that it was just the two of us amplified the effect. I will really miss her.  I hope that we will be able to talk often, even though she's not fond of talking on the phone, she'll be busy with college and new friends, and I'll be living in Shanghai.  It will be challenging, but I will make the extra effort to stay close to all of my daughters and I hope that they will, too.

I have lived most of my adult life, at least the last 24 years, as a mother. I have been mostly a stay-at-home mom, working part-time jobs and volunteering, in order to spend more time with my girls and raise them the way we wanted them to be raised. I loved being home, being a Girl Scout leader, volunteering at school, and being a PTA mom.  When we lived in Germany, my girls were in school and I stayed involved with Girl Scouts, volunteered at school, led a Destination Imagination team, and joined their equivalent of the PTA. But now, as we head to Shanghai, I won't have my girls or my identity as a stay-at-home mom. I can't work, partly because I have no Chinese work visa and partly because I'll be traveling, living in the U.S. when my younger two are on college winter and summer breaks. So, who will I be and what will I do, with no school-aged kids and no school at which I can volunteer?  I'm not sure what lies ahead, which is both exciting and intimidating.

Right now, I'm nostalgic for the years that had my girls living at home, but I think the future is going to be great. The girls are all planning to visit us in Shanghai, with Samantha, our middle daughter, coming with us next week before she heads to Vienna for her semester abroad. We love to travel as a family and the girls are all old enough that they can hop on a plane and come see us, visit each other, or go off to visit family and friends wherever they want to go.  Hopefully, they'll want to come home, wherever that might be.

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